guest post by my cat

This is Sheila's feline, Cairo, guest writing for today's post.  I rarely lower myself to think about such matters, however it occurred to me that by sharing my thoughts I am actually giving you a gift.  I am, after all, a supreme being and as such I cannot in good conscious not share with you. 

Some of you may be aware that my family has changed locations.  And if you can believe it, they also took that stupid dog.  Clearly they must not realize what a dimwit he his.  He's three times my size yet I can make him move from his spot with one swipe of the claw.  He also responds to my name, when Cairo and Dusty sound nothing alike.  But alas, I digress.  The purpose of my rantings today is to regale you with the proper way to behave when your family makes you change locations without asking you. 

First, when they begin moving objects around, start clawing random furniture to make your objection known.  When they yell at you, hiss in return.  Remember at all times, you are the King/Queen.

Secondly, if you are used to being outside the majority of the day and suddenly you are kept inside for the inevitable vehicle ride, you must snub the litter box and stand by the door making the loudest most annoying meowing sounds you can muster.  This step cannot be overlooked.

Third, do not be fooled or drawn in by cat treats.  Hide under the couch or behind anything too small for the humans to reach behind.  They will offer treats but if you give in, they will catch you.

Finally the vehicle ride.  This process is degrading and mundane, however, a full mutiny is a must.  You cannot allow them to think they can put you in a car all willy nilly.  Have the claws ready. 

Now, this part takes place quickly and sometimes may catch you off guard.  My humans tricked me into thinking they were settling in for a snuggle and the next thing I know I'm being carried off in a hurried manner with little time to think. 

When they place you in the car immediately jump onto the dash board and take off running at full speed counter clockwise.  You need to make multiple laps around the whole car, not forgetting about the back trunk area.  When you make it back up to the front have your claws out and ready because you will need to sink them into the daughter human to gain more momentum.  The thigh is a great place to start but you will want to switch it up so maybe the upper arm one lap and then a foot the next.  Feel free to get creative.  Make a minimum of at least ten laps around the car, more if they are too distracted by the screaming of the daughter human. 

This is all a very important process in making the humans understand that you are in charge and can take out an eye if the circumstances call for it.  You must maintain your status as the PIC {pet in charge} at all times. 

But I must sign off now.  I've a very busy morning of lying in the sun rays by the sliding glass door until 10:00 and then a full once over licking before my nap at noon, which will take place wherever that drool machine is sleeping.  Obviously.

I might as well just say "no more happiness"

Want to know the fastest way to crush the spirit and soul of a twelve year old girl who dresses like this?

 



Make her go to a school where she has to wear this.

She is but a shell of her flamboyant self. 

School shopping has never been easier.  Ever.  It took 20 minutes and she didn't even want to try anything on. 

The sensitive side of me feels bad for her.  The busy side of me wants to dance and sing from the roof tops. 

But it's not like I don't know how she feels.

what?

Just when I think I've seen it all, I see a man riding his bike carrying a full size vacuum cleaner and a sewing machine. 

What I want to know is, who is the person that phoned this guy and needed those things without delay knowing full well the man would have to bring them over on a bike?

That or he nabbed them without fulling thinking through his get away plan. 

These are the things that keep me awake at night.

Right now there is a burly bearded truck driver enjoying MY pink phone

While on vacation I lost it at some random gas station\truck stop and I just know that some hairy guy with the handle of Scary Larry is chatting it up with all my unlimited text messaging.  That or I accidentally threw it away.  Who knows.  I do know it's gone though.

But on the upside, vacation was fun! 

We drove to Missouri to see my parents and my brother and his wife and their five kids and then to see Hubby's sister and their five kids.  I'm feeling a little left out on the kid front.  Apparently having five is all the rage. 

We played tons of games and visited and ate entirely too much food.  It would seem when I'm on vacation I think that somehow God will transform my french fries into celery sticks on the way down.  He didn't.  Just ask my thighs. 
I also choked at one point and almost died.  Scariest thing ever.  Thank goodness we had sent the kids downstairs before hand so they didn't witness it.  Hubby gave me the Heimlich and then my mom pushed him aside and did it twice as hard.  Note: if I'm going to die, don't be afraid to put all your might into it. I'll take a broken rib over death.  I eventually started breathing again in case you were wondering.  That's what I get for chewing while watching comedy central.  Lesson learned. 

I also learned what the heat index is and how 95 can feel like 120 if you mix in some humidity.  Holy Hot Batman.  Jeans and closed toed shoes while hanging out outside, does not a happy camper make.  Just sayin'.

Oh and here's another fun thing I learned.  Apparently I say "Just sayin'" a lot.  And I was like "no I don't!" and Hubby was all "umm, yeah, you do.  All the time" and I was like "If I said it all the time I would know, just sayin'."

Other things I learned because apparently you can teach an old dog new tricks:
~According to Daymon, no one is old when compared to Yoda. 
~My daughter does not get the awesomeness of vintage clothing from an amazing thrift store I stumbled  upon, and will repeatedly state "Mom!  Are you serious?"
~Daymon does not like "Old lady clothes".
~Fast food will give your dog diarrhea on a road trip and the worst gas ever.
~You will not move on a slide when the heat index is 120.  You will stay right where you are. 
~Makeup is pointless in that kind of heat but it won't stop me from trying.
~According to my nephew Elijah, green beans are made out of frogs.
~Seeing two snakes in the lake in which we are swimming will not make Dylan afraid.  He will try to follow them.
~Sending sun block with Hubby, my brother and dad when golfing is always a must.
~Waiting with scraggly unmanageable hair until my mom can cut it is so worth the wait. 

So now it's back to reality and work and routine and losing the vacation weight after trying so hard to convince my body that Cheetos and carrot sticks are the same thing.  Totally didn't buy it.  Traitor.

We had an amazing time at The City Museum in St. Louis

Me and my dad. 

Dylan looking at the view from inside the arch.

Elijah, Laney, Dylan, Aliya, Jett, Daymon Chloe and Isaac

me and my mom

It's all one big adventure

Last year we were here for our anniversary.  This year we're driving again but Big Mama is on better behavior. So far.

I used to look at people who had been married for 14 years and think they were old.  Now I realize that no, they were not old!  They were cool and fun and crazy and amazing!  It's true.  Because I'm now the proud owner of a 14 year old marriage. 

I really feel like Hubby and I grew up together.  We've been through pure awesomeness and pure hell, but one constant has been our relationship with Jesus.  And he's the only reason we're still waking up to each other everyday.  Because being married is hard.  But who wants easy?  It's the things we work hard for that we're most proud of.  The thing we cherish most. 

We've learned how to pick up on the little things that matter and how to let some go.  What not to say in an argument and that no matter how much he asks I will not ever pop a zit for him.  You have to draw the line somewhere. 

He's courageous and kind and the funniest person I know.  I'm so blessed to have him.  God knew exactly the man I needed and I can honestly say that I love him way more now than when we first got married. 

Happy anniversary Hubby, I love you!  And let's not get "old" together.  Let's get "seasoned" together. 

Fourth of July

Ahh, that time of year when the smell of fresh cut grass and coconut sun screen fills the air.  The day is filled with anticipation and the sounds of grilling hot dogs.  Kids laugh and chase each other through the streets in swim suits, wet from the sprinklers. 

This is what I think of when I think of the fourth of July.  Oh, I mean besides freedom, of course, only I didn't get to do any of that this year.  Instead, I worked and Hubby and the kids packed our house into boxes.  Here are some pics of what the day should have looked like.



It's just so satisfying taking a good picture.  I mean just look at those!  They couldn't have turned out better.  I really should give a class or something.  Or go into business.  Talent like that should not be wasted. 

I hope you all had a great holiday!  We're off to Missouri to see family.  I bet my sister-in-law will be begging me to take some pictures of her kids.  I'll try to make some time. 

Just four short years until she's driving. . .

My Aliya turned 12 on July 1st!  I'm just now getting some pictures together because the 1st is her birthday, then the fourth of July, the 5th is our anniversary and the 6th is Hubby's birthday.  Whew!  What a week! 

She wanted to have a scavenger hunt in the mall.  It was strange for me because I'm a real worry wart, especially in malls, so to just let them go off by themselves was a little hard.  It all stems from my mom's worry being passed down and my sister being involved in helping with those who have been sold into the sex trade industry and her stories about how many kids are taken from malls and it's just one big crazy someone will take my kids and sell them! worry-a-thon. 

Hubby has his hands full. 

She was twelve all of two days and he left her in charge while he ran some errands yesterday.  He waits until all is said and done to tell me these things because he's made the mistake one too many times of telling me before hand.  It really would be so much easier for my state of mind if we could just lock them in a padded room, give them some sporks and wait until their 18 to let them out.  For some reason Hubby won't let me do that.  We'll see if his tune changes when she wants to start dating. 

Happy Birthday sweet girl!  I love you more than you could ever dream.  You are amazing in so many ways and sometimes I feel like my heart can't hold all of the love and joy I feel.  God has wondrous things in store for you and it's fun to watch you grow and mature in His love.  You are honestly the most genuinely sweet person I know.  It amazes me that I get to be your momma.