guest post by my cat

This is Sheila's feline, Cairo, guest writing for today's post.  I rarely lower myself to think about such matters, however it occurred to me that by sharing my thoughts I am actually giving you a gift.  I am, after all, a supreme being and as such I cannot in good conscious not share with you. 

Some of you may be aware that my family has changed locations.  And if you can believe it, they also took that stupid dog.  Clearly they must not realize what a dimwit he his.  He's three times my size yet I can make him move from his spot with one swipe of the claw.  He also responds to my name, when Cairo and Dusty sound nothing alike.  But alas, I digress.  The purpose of my rantings today is to regale you with the proper way to behave when your family makes you change locations without asking you. 

First, when they begin moving objects around, start clawing random furniture to make your objection known.  When they yell at you, hiss in return.  Remember at all times, you are the King/Queen.

Secondly, if you are used to being outside the majority of the day and suddenly you are kept inside for the inevitable vehicle ride, you must snub the litter box and stand by the door making the loudest most annoying meowing sounds you can muster.  This step cannot be overlooked.

Third, do not be fooled or drawn in by cat treats.  Hide under the couch or behind anything too small for the humans to reach behind.  They will offer treats but if you give in, they will catch you.

Finally the vehicle ride.  This process is degrading and mundane, however, a full mutiny is a must.  You cannot allow them to think they can put you in a car all willy nilly.  Have the claws ready. 

Now, this part takes place quickly and sometimes may catch you off guard.  My humans tricked me into thinking they were settling in for a snuggle and the next thing I know I'm being carried off in a hurried manner with little time to think. 

When they place you in the car immediately jump onto the dash board and take off running at full speed counter clockwise.  You need to make multiple laps around the whole car, not forgetting about the back trunk area.  When you make it back up to the front have your claws out and ready because you will need to sink them into the daughter human to gain more momentum.  The thigh is a great place to start but you will want to switch it up so maybe the upper arm one lap and then a foot the next.  Feel free to get creative.  Make a minimum of at least ten laps around the car, more if they are too distracted by the screaming of the daughter human. 

This is all a very important process in making the humans understand that you are in charge and can take out an eye if the circumstances call for it.  You must maintain your status as the PIC {pet in charge} at all times. 

But I must sign off now.  I've a very busy morning of lying in the sun rays by the sliding glass door until 10:00 and then a full once over licking before my nap at noon, which will take place wherever that drool machine is sleeping.  Obviously.