Guest post from Zoe. The cat.

Cats vs. Dogs

Okay, really, I love how she just throws it up there, "The cat", like she might as well be saying "The spatula".  Good thing I'm above getting my feelings hurt.  While I do drip my humans with attention it's more to annoy the dog, really.  One tiny look in their direction and it's all "Oh Zoe!  You're sooooo adorable! Gah!"  It's embarrassing honestly.  That kind of self depreciating behavior. 

I wanted to set the record straight because I heard my human was talking smack behind my back and I do not even think so.  That whole kitty litter poop debacle was just that.  A debacle.  She hid it on me and then got all in a tizzy when I improvised.  Well excuse me for answering when nature calls.  At least I bury my feces unlike a certain canine I know.  Gross.  He literally leaves it out in the yard for everyone to see like some sort of little doggie trophies. 

Clearly I am so much smarter.  Heck, I figured out that stupid dog door in like two minutes.  I heard tell that it took him a few hours of a human on either side with treats before he got it.  Hey, wait a second...

But that's neither here nor there, the point is, I am cuter, smaller and smarter.  Oh and fluffier.  So much fluffier.  I can do this thing with my tail when I get upset that makes it stand up even more and then they get all remorseful and self loathing because how could anyone hurt a cute little thing like me.  When all they usually say to the dog is "Stop getting under my feet you stupid dog!"  All those hours of grooming really pay off.

Plus, and I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I'm way more limber and I can do these really cute back flips when I'm trying to jump for string that really drive the humans crazy. 

And the dog can't even purr!  What is that?!  Nothing is what it is!  I mean the more I think about it the more it's just sad.  Sad that I rock his face off.

Also, I'm pretty sure he can't read so I'm not really in any danger of him seeing this.  I know he can't type.  Have you seen those massive paws?  I'm surprised he can even bury his own poop.  Oh that's right, he can't! 

I feel my job here is done. 

And let's just keep this between us.  I want to snuggle later.  You know, for warmth. 

Shut up.