We fight on

For a kid, going to school should consist of the anticipation of lunch because this time mom probably remembered to put your favorite fruit snacks in. 

It should be full of races to the swing sets at recess to try out your new shoes that you're also hoping to keep kind of clean.

It should be flashes of laughter with the teacher as she/he explains something new and you get it and they rejoice with you. 

It should be exchanging knowing glances with the kid next you as you both get the right math answer and race to raise your hands first. 

It should never be a knot sitting in the bottom of your stomach. 

For some kids this is exactly what it is. 

I was one of them.

Oh the social part was awesome.  I was all in for that. 

But the rest made me want to cry.  Daily.

And I truly began to think of myself as stupid.  I accepted that word for myself and let it in.  Let it fester and grow until it ate a hole in my brain too big to let anything else in. 

That little word did unimaginable damage to my psyche and self worth. 
That word grew into an ugly disgusting monster that would sit on my shoulder and whisper into my ear all the horrible things I thought about myself until I shrank so small in the classroom I eventulaly became invisible. 

It all came to a head when my high school counselor told me one day as a senior "Maybe college isn't for you". 

I was crushed.  I had never thought about not going to college. 

That day I decided I would prove her wrong.  I now have two degrees.  But more importantly I know that I am not stupid.  And that didn't come from books.  It came from Jesus.

I have a child who thinks he is stupid.  And it breaks my heart beyond words.  I refuse to let that awful word detroy my child.  I refuse to let him accept it.  I am fighting on my knees and in school offices and things will change. 

Some kids look in the mirror and see Superman.  Some kids see nothing worth saving. 

I see a mom who will stop at nothing to prove to her child that through Christ all things are possible. 

And that word will not be a part of our vocabulary.